If it seems like, it is- an open letter about where I am

Take this as my State of Self Address. Perhaps one of many, maybe an army of one. If it seems I have changed, know you are not mistaken. It is my right to do so but also a necessity to maintain the light that resides within. If you feel I have reached out to you, moved away from you, come to your aid, given or retracted my support….I HAVE.

Two years in the making and now dawn is here. It has broken over my life much as the sun blazes its fiery arrival across an early morning sky. I need, I feel, I want, and I will emote. There is beauty and breath of life in the process- trial, tribulation, perseverance, resolution, release. Help is not shameful it is a gentle lacing of carry on drizzled over the whole of a soul that is pulled taut with doing it all alone. If I need you, you will know now. If the sun isn’t as bright today I will not flex my Michelangelo to make it so for the benefit of others. The tourniquet, the flow impeding barrier that is the never ending want from others, is undone. It got me nowhere fast.

If you’re reading this, find your own happiness. Because I’m too busy working on my own to carry you through life. If it sucks, change it. If you hate it, stop doing it. Want it? Take it. Yep, that sounds exactly like those motivational posters and speeches. I constantly live it. It is much, much easier to throw in the towel and give up. Blame someone else for my inability to achieve. I did myself a favor by starting to own my part in situations. It breeds a habit in you of shutting the hell up and working harder. I’m about my business and minding my business….I’ve seen quite a bit of success since.

My phone is quiet. Facebook messages pretty bare. I go out rarely. My bills are paid, I sleep well at night, I bought a new car, and the relationships I have invested in wholeheartedly are flourishing. Only reach for me if you have something to contribute. If friendship is a business deal as much as a soul pact to grow the holiness of being oneself. Let’s exchange soup recipes and business plans, dreams and honest opinions about politics, advice on professional development and new musical muses. I want to be the TIME Freshman class-something to offer the world, offer others, provide for myself.

Support. Grow. Connect. Or kick rocks, cool?

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