A brilliantly sunny, breezy, Sunday will make you think. Mostly about what it is you’re doing and why it isn’t allowing you to have more days like this. Sunday’s shouldn’t be the only days reserved for introspection and enjoyment of personal passions. I find myself on the balcony drying a quilt and feeling the dissonance. Ya know that familiar ache. The “why am I running so hard towards things others say I should want instead what I want?” Then my eyes lit upon this camera. Usually just another end in my odds, but not today. Today it had a personality and a presence. I’ve always loved cameras and their infinitude. The endless possibilities that present themselves through a view finder.
However, it makes me more than a little sad. I feel like those endless possibilities are lost to me. By my own doing and that which necessitates “success” in the material sense. I want to spend more of my life enraptured in the duality of the view finder instead of the monotony that leaves no trace. Cameras remind me of unbridled freedom, secrets, expression… that which I’m lacking. Even if it isn’t a 10-day jungle adventure in India or a stroll through monarchies past..I should be out exploring. Opening up myself to the weekend. To the world that pushes itself ever so gently to my senses. Time is so valuable and I am not spending it in a way that reveres that notion.
Then comes my deep sigh of awareness, acceptance and knowing. Because there is no reason to ask how I got here. I only need look around me to find my answer. Cords. Everywhere to everything. The dust on the poor thing mirroring that which layers my dreams and ambitions lately. Quality, if you’re out there….I’m looking for you.